


Illumi is real tired of Hisoka's shit

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Chrollo is a freeloader, Illumi likes coffee, M/M, Twerking, hisoka is such a trashy bf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 07:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4738397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he IS</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illumi is real tired of Hisoka's shit

**Author's Note:**

> Malaguld put a gun to my head and told me to write more hisoillu, so... here I am.

One fine day Hisoka was sitting in his living room playing Call of Duty. The TV was up very loud and could be heard throughout the entire house, which was FUCKING ANNOYING!!!

Illumi comes down the stairs and turns off the TV.

"OMG!!!" Hisoak screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ON A KILLING SPREE!!!"

Illumi was very sad and mad. Mostly sad, but still mad. He replied, "Bae, lately you've been playing this game more than you have been sticking it in my ass. What has become of our relationship?"

Hisoka replied, "Call of Duty."

Illumi was so angry now. He walked over to his shitty boyfriend and slapped him across the face. Some of Hisoka's makeup started to come off. "IT''s ALL BECAUSE OF THIS SHITTY GAME! OMG!"

"THIS GAME IS NOT SHITTY." Hisoka defended his precious game.

Then Illumi grabbed Hisoka's special copy of teh game and he set it on fire. Hisoka cried a little on the inside.

"ILLUMI WHAT THE FUCK!!!"

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR GAME"

Illymi went to all the GameStops and he set all the Call of Duty games on fire. He hacked Amazon so Hisoka couldn't buy any games there. He also robbed Killua's Call of Duty copy and threw it in a polluted river.

Hisoka dived after it.

Illumi summoned lightning, which struck the water.

Hisoka died.

Illumi said "ops" 

Then Illumi got a big net and fished Hisoka out of the water. All his makeup has washed off.

"hahaha he has pimples" Illumi said as popped all of them.

Hisoka revived, because everyone knows that clowns have 666 lives. He saw that illumi popped his pimples and it FUCKING HURT!

"U ASSHOLE!!" he screamed.

ILLUMI SAID, "FUCKER YOU PROMISED BUTTSECCKS LAST NIGHT. I DIDNT GET IT."

Hisoka replied, "Well I just didn't have the time. I was 1v1ing that scrub SuckMyZolDick69"

Illumi knew that was his brother's IGN. He hated Killua for that.

"fuck you killua, " he thought.

Then he dragged Hisoka home. He was tired of Hisoka's shit and he wanted coffee.

"where's the coffee."

"Ah, sorry. My ex boyfriend Chrollo crashed by and drank it all."

"UMMM. WHAT?!?!" Illumi screamed. He told Hisoka to stop bringing that fucking homeless freeloader to their house.

"haha sorry" Hisoka said.

Illumi noticed that Hisoka was relatively tame without his game. He thought most gamernerds died once their games were taken away from them. He saw a video of it on YouTube.

"Hisoka, why are you still happy?"

Hisoka answered, "Babe. Because I have you."

Illumi thought that was so romantic. His heart fluttered, just like the first time Hisoka rammed him in the ass.

"Hisoka... You still think of me?"

"yea when i'm taking a POOP hah"

"FUCKING JERK!!"

Hisoka said, "Whatever." and he went to go fix his clown makeup. Illumi ruined it before.

Meanwhile Illumi was reading romance novels and listening to sad love songs. This was how he coped with such situations.

Then Hisoka said, "Oh I forgot to pay the bills."

Illumi cried.

~~~~~

Killua, who had been eating candy, noticed a new facebook status from his brother.

"0mq my bf of 3 years just doesn't understand anymore.. I don't know wht 2 d0."

Killua gasped!!

"Gon. My brother needs our help."

Gon was coloring. "Eh fuck him. I don't even like that guy."

"Wow, you're an asshole." Killua replied.

So Killua ditched Gon. Gon pretending to not care, but he did. He ended up following Killua.

Killua went to the house his brother lived in with that clown trash. It was their 55th home because clown fuckhead kept destroying them.

"Wow, the door is already broken. fuckign clown shit." Killua muttered. He broke in.

"Hi I'm here 2 fix your relationship" Killua said, because he was for some reason on good terms with his brother.

He didn't see Illumi though. Only FUCKHEAD CLOWN SHIT!

Hisoka stared at Killua. Killua stared back. They hissed at each other.

"We meet again in RL, SuckMyZolDick69." Hisoka sneered.

Killua turned around and smacked his ass. That pissed off Hisoka, so he went to go bite it.

Then Gon barged in yelling, "OH MY GOD GUYS TSUKIYAMA IS DRIVING IN A PINK BARBIE CAR!"

Nobody believed Gon.

Hisoka and Killua got into a really intense fight. Like really intense.

Killua had the upper hand, though. He kept beating the shit out of the clown fucking trash and Hisoka was soon bleeding.

Hisoka cried a little.

Illumi was coming downstairs when he saw killua BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF HISOKA OMG.

"KILLUA WHAT the FUCK!" he yelled. He then ran over to them and smacked Killua with a newspaper.

"That's my babyboo, Hisoka. You can't beat him like that." Illumi cried.

Killua said, "But you said he just doens't understand...."

"Isn't that your entire relationship with Gon?"

"oh fuck" Killua was dumbfounded.

Gon was angry. Nobody listened to him.

Then Hisoka touched Illumi's cheek very emotionally. "Illumi... bae... I'm sorry... I... I.... love you."

Illumi cried, his tears pouring down into Hisoka's bellybutton.

Killua interrupted, "He's dying."

Illumi glared at Killua. so did Gon.

"Y U kill HiM?"

"idk i felt like it" 

Illumi sucker punched Killua and he flew into a wall. His head burst open and blood splattered everywhere . His blood was actually rainbows, though, so the rainbows spilled on everyone, including Hisoka.

As everyone knows, clowns love rainbows, because clowns are all gay.

Hisoka was revived.

"bae..." Illumi said.

"Dude... You just killed the final boss." Hisoka announced.

"I did." Illumi replied. Then he held hands with Hisoka, who had one card shoved up his ass.

Hisoka said, "Schwing."

Illumi said "Yes"

Then they were about to kiss but FUCKING GON INTERRUPTED FUCKING SHIT HEAD

Gon said. "hahah Killua is DEAD!!!"

Then Gon ran over to Killua dead body and started twerkin over it. he sang that one beyonce song as he did so.

Killua, who was in hell, cried.

Then Hisoka said, "Gon, you fucking ape. you interrupted our HOT moment."

Then Illumi responded, "Hey, let's adopt Gon. I always wanted a kid that had shit hair."

"but Kurapika and Leorio are trying to do that."

"LETS DO IT BEFORE THEM"

So they adopted Gon as their Legendary Gay Unicorn Son. He was still twerking over Killua's dead body, but the song changed - he was singing All Star by Smashmouth, his faovrite song EVER cause Shrek is green like him. And he smells like ONIONS

Hisoka and Illumi loved their little Onion ... And coffee.

"bae"

"bae"

~~~~~~

Later that day, Illumi updated his status and it read " 0mg i love him again ... he is so perf 4 mi i can't believe i posted that other thing earlier. Love you my clown booboo (hearts hearts , too lazy to fucking copy and paste them here sorry)"

Then Milluki saw it and replied, "hahah GAY"

Meanwhile, Tsukiyama really was driving around in a pink Barbie car. Kaneki Ken was in the back seat and Hide was there too, he was dead.

"I got 99 problems and a btich aint ONE" Tsukillama sang, 

The end

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i h8 dis 2


End file.
